I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She's JV to your varsity
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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