Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
