I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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