i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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