the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have peed in a lot of sinks
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
