I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
