just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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