I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
