he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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