Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
