hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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