You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
