I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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