Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
