I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
