she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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