I will die if light touches me.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize