he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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