Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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