i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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