She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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