I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
