How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
