I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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