also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize