I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
