so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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