naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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