the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
