so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
