Umm I'm too high to move.
You can't special order awesome
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
being pregnant is like rehab
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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