I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
