Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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