My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You are the jesus of drinking
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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