you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize