I look better un-naked...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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