Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
