sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
