my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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