I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
