She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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