he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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