Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
