Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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