THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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