I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
