maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
