just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
