new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
