So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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