you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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