He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
