she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
