she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Mom said you looked used
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
