Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
