You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
