brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
