wat bout pragnant strippers??
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
