Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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