oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
