Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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