Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
