She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
