So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
