I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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