What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize