I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
