It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
