I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
