Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
